Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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