Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This toilet bowl is my home.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
