I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
