I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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