Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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