ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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