Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need a beard to bite.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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