Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
PANTIES FOUND
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
