it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize