Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
