I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
