i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
