Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
