I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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