I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
