She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
