Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
