Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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