Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
