Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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