Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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