your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
