I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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