Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
