I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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