Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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