Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
