So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
