I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
