My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
