how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
