So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
