So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
