Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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