I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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