Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
