Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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