I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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