His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You may now shotgun with the bride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
