And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
