She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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