I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
