I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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