you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
