I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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