mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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