DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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