you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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