do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
