he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
