she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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