I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
