he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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