At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
