I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
