my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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