I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
