Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
