I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
