apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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