idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
