the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
