We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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