so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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