Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
