Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
