She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
