Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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