i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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