He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
