I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
