dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
