You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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