Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
