So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
