Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
