You smell like a Billy Joel song
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
